


Aftershocks

by itainthardtryin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 04:01:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4691255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itainthardtryin/pseuds/itainthardtryin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Singer-songwriter and superstar Clarke Griffin dated Lexa Woods for two years before long distance became too much. Six weeks after the break-up, Lexa goes to Taylor Swift's 1989 tour with best friend Octavia, where Clarke just happens to be Taylor's special guest. Will it break their hearts or put them back together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftershocks

“I’m so glad I got you in the break up,” Lexa says as a Staples Center employee scans her ticket.

“For the last time, Lexa, I am not a thing that you won in the break up. I just think Clarke’s gone a bit crazy recently, and you’re much lower maintenance,” Octavia replies, and Lexa scoffs.

“Whatever, I’m just glad you’re here. Clarke never would have come to a Taylor show with me.”

“Her loss,” Octavia says, rolling her eyes. “I guess she just had a complex.”

“Taylor is her competition after all.”

Lexa leads the way to their seats. They aren’t at the very back, but they’re far enough away that the people on the floor are tiny. Thank god for cameras putting it all on the big screen.

“Just hold my hand if she sings ‘You Are In Love’,” Lexa tells Octavia seriously as they sit down.

 

//

 

Taylor kills it.

Lexa and Octavia are loving every single moment of the concert. Lexa even managed to get through ‘You Are In Love’ without crying. It’s the first time in the past few weeks that she’s actually managed to have _fun_. She forgot how good it could feel.

But then.

Taylor makes a whole speech that makes Lexa’s stomach drop, and it ends with: “Please join me in welcoming to the stage, to perform her number one single ‘Fall For You’...”

Lexa’s blood runs cold.

“...Clarke Griffin!”

The Staples Center erupts in applause, and there, on the big screen looking even more beautiful than Lexa can remember, is Clarke. Her ex-girlfriend, Clarke.

Octavia doesn’t know what to do. She looks at Lexa, wide eyed and speechless, and back to Clarke on the stage below them, walking the catwalk to join Taylor Swift at the end of it. The opening notes of the song begin and Lexa can’t even feel her legs anymore. She doesn’t know how she’s still standing, or if she even _is_ standing, or if the vague feeling of arms around her shoulders is Octavia holding her up.

There are thousands and thousands of people in the arena but Lexa feels like Clarke is singing straight to her up there in the stands. Her voice cuts through the crowd and pierces Lexa right in the heart.

_“I’d swim the ocean blue for you,_   
_I’d climb a mountain high,_   
_There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do,  
_ _If you ever said goodbye…”_

There had been speculation in the press over who the song was about. Clarke was one of the first openly bisexual musicians out there, so anyone she came into contact with, the media assumed she could be dating. Lexa was one of the names that cropped up from time to time, but they dated for almost two years without ever confirming it to the media. That was, until Clarke broke up with Lexa six weeks ago, claiming that ‘long distance is just too hard for her’. Newspapers, websites and almost every social network were covered the following day with images of Clarke puffy-eyed and pale leaving Lexa’s apartment, and the word was out.

But here Lexa is, known for nothing other than being Clarke Griffin’s ex-girlfriend, sitting in an arena listening to eighteen thousand people sing the lyrics of the first song Clarke ever wrote for her.

The crowd cheers as they start to belt out the chorus.

_“You really made me fall for you,_  
_I can’t stop loving your heart so true,_  
_When we’re apart I go insane,  
_ _Until we meet again…”_

“I have to get out of here,” Lexa says, her voice barely making any sound. She grabs her coat and pushes past the people in her row, before taking the stairs two at a time. She vaguely hears a guard tell her that there’s no re-admittance if she leaves, but she thinks that going back in there is the last place she wants to be. Octavia runs after her. “Lexa, wait up! Lexa!” She catches up with her just outside the front doors, and grabs her arm to turn her round. When she does, Lexa’s eyes are red and she looks completely broken.

“One night,” Lexa cries. “I just wanted one night without this. Without her. Without crying over her.”

Octavia softens. “I know.”

Lexa snaps. “No, you don’t! You _don’t_ know! Octavia, my ex-girlfriend is _Clarke Griffin_. Do you have any idea what that means?” Octavia opens her mouth to reply but Lexa cuts her off. “It means that I can’t listen to the radio without worrying that she’ll be on there. I can’t read a magazine because she’s there looking like a _million fucking dollars_ in the best dressed section. I can’t even go to a Taylor Swift concert with my best friend because she’s literally on stage singing about _me_.”

“Lexa, you knew what you were signing up for when you started dating her,” Octavia reminds her.

“Yeah, I did,” Lexa scoffs. “I knew I’d have to keep my best thing secret. That we’d have to live under the radar, so Clarke’s love life didn’t end up in the spotlight. That her music was the most important thing. But you know what I didn’t sign up for? This,” she says, throwing her arms wide. “All of this. The aftermath. The fallout. I could take all the shit that went with dating Clarke Griffin, because it meant that I was _dating Clarke Griffin_. But this? This is too hard.” Lexa’s voice breaks as the fight leaves her body. Octavia rushes over to hug her as Lexa falls into her arms.

“I love her, I love her, I _love_ her,” Lexa repeats through her tears, crying into Octavia’s shoulder.

“I know. I know you do,” Octavia says, trying her best to calm Lexa down. “Let’s go home, yeah?” Lexa nods and pulls away, wiping her face and trying to gain some composure. Octavia holds her hand the entire way back to the car.

 

//

 

Lexa wakes up the following morning hoping it was all just a bad dream. But when she checks her cell, her bad dream turns into a complete nightmare.

_Clarke_   
_Message (2)_

She looks at it for long minutes, trying to decide whether she should open it. She goes through every single possibility in her mind of what it could say. It’s the first contact Clarke has had with her since they broke up. Lexa takes a deep breath and slides the message open.

_Hey_   
_You were at the show last night?_

That’s all it says. Lexa reads those eight words over and over again, and the more she does, the angrier it makes her. This is all Clarke has to say after everything. After breaking her heart. Lexa is up for the fight. She decides to be a woman of very little words.

_Yeah._

Clarke’s reply is almost instant, with the typing bubble appearing seconds after Lexa sends her message. _You okay?_

Anger rises in Lexa again. _I’m fine, Clarke._

The reply is instant. _You didn’t look okay._

Those words strike fear into Lexa’s bones. There’s no way Clarke could have seen her last night, they were so far away that even without all the lights shining on stage, Clarke would have struggled to make them out. Which can only mean one thing.

Lexa flips open her laptop and goes to E! News. Her heart sinks when she reads the headline. _Clarke breaks hearts at Taylor Swift’s 1989 Tour! Ex-girlfriend Lexa Woods spotted crying after Clarke Griffin’s surprise appearance at the Staples Center_. Below the headline is a picture of Lexa holding onto Octavia with all her might, tears running down her face. She doesn’t remember there being anyone outside when they were talking, but then again Lexa barely remembers anything other than the image of Clarke standing on stage in front of her.

_It felt like being punched in the chest._ Lexa replies with a different approach.

It takes Clarke much longer to reply this time. Lexa watches the typing bubble for what feels like an eternity. _I didn’t know you’d be there. I wouldn’t have sang that song if I did._

_The crowd loved it._ It’s all Lexa manages to say.

_Not like I loved you._

The words make her head spin. It’s stupid, but she can hear Clarke’s voice say them. Everything comes back in waves. Lexa can almost feel Clarke’s skin against her own.

_Don’t._

Lexa can’t take this. She doesn’t want to hear it. She isn’t going to be stuck in this middle ground where Clarke says she loves her but doesn’t want to date her. She won’t do it.

_I miss you, Lex. And I know you miss me too._

Lexa thinks that the words aren’t strong enough to express how she feels. You miss someone when you go out of town for a weekend. You miss someone when they move schools or jobs or neighbourhoods. But you still stay in touch with them. How she feels about Clarke, though, cannot be described as missing her. It feels like she’s lost a part of herself. It feels like Clarke took something from her that she’ll never get back.

_You broke up with me, Clarke. Not the other way round._

Lexa has no idea why Clarke is doing this. If she hadn’t been at the show, would Clarke even have contacted her?

_I’ve regretted it every moment since._

And that’s Lexa’s breaking point. She locks her phone, sets it on the nightstand and finally gets out of bed. Octavia has already made breakfast and offers to make some for Lexa too. Usually Lexa doesn’t like being waited on and treated like she’s wrapped in cotton wool - she’s a grown ass woman, she can look after herself - but right now, she doesn’t even know if she has enough space in her brain to remember how to even boil an egg.

“She text me,” Lexa tells Octavia.

“What did she say?”

“That she misses me, regrets breaking up,” Lexa says calmly. Octavia leaves the eggs and walks over to the couch where Lexa’s sitting.

“What the fuck?! Is she serious?” Octavia’s anger can be seen from head to toe. “I’m going to kill her, Lexa. I’m actually going to kill her dead.”

“Calm down. It’s not you she’s fucking over.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s _you_ she’s fucking over and that’s a million times worse. After everything you did for her and she thinks she can just treat you like some disposable thing that’s only there when she needs it. Lexa, I swear I’m-”

“Octavia, stop.” Lexa is so drained. She doesn’t have the emotional or physical strength for anger right now. The past twenty-four hours have been a whirlwind. “I genuinely don’t think she’s trying to fuck me over. I just think she’s confused.”

“You are far too understanding,” Octavia offers, going back to tend to the eggs now that she knows Lexa isn’t going to tolerate her attitude towards Clarke.

“I’m going to take a shower. Hopefully, I can wash this feeling off.” Lexa makes her way to her room and picks some clothes to throw on and grabs a towel. She can’t resist temptation and checks her phone one more time. Five new messages.

_I’m only in LA for two more days. Can we meet?_  
_It doesn’t have to mean anything._  
_I just want to have a chance to apologise. In person._  
_For everything.  
_ _Lex?_

Lexa’s brain automatically screams ‘no’. But there’s something deep inside her that hesitates. There’s a feeling in the depths of her that this could be their last chance. She thinks that being apart from Clarke hurts more than she could ever imagine, could meeting up with her hurt as much? Lexa’s heart is already broken. She thinks of all the good times she had with Clarke, all the nights on the couch, the days they spent on Clarke’s tour bus, the first time they met…

Lexa’s lost in remembering the good times, even though her heart is breaking, and that’s what makes her type one word she didn’t think she’d say.

_okay._

 


End file.
